"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Saturday, July 31

Rainy Sunshine

   Today, I took my phone out of my pocket, and noticed it was turned off. This wasn't anything new, my phone turns off by itself all the time; it's a crappy phone.
   I turned my phone on, and noitced I  had a voice mail. At first, I forgot which password I used for my voice mail, because It's been quiet some time since I needed to use it. I failed three times, and it hung up. I called back, and finally got it right. The first voice mail was one I hadn't deleted I got about a month and a half ago. It was one of those accidental voice mails that no one realized was being recorded and it lasted as long as the voice mail would allow it. I listened to the entire thing, due to the fact I was bored. Then, there was another saved voice mail, and it was from Brian. Listening to him talk made me smile, I missed his voice.
   I resaved is, and moved on. It was to my new messages, and it informed me I had two. Before it played, it said the time, it was about thirty minutes before the current time.
  They were both from Brian. Ugh! I'm so mad at my phone. In the words of Brian himself "I really want to talk to you, it's been over a month-wow." That's how I feel.
I was so upset, and the rest of the day I kept my phone in my hand, checking every minute that it was still turned on.
I hope so much that he's able to call me tomorrow.
Please, please, please do.

As this all was happening, it was raining while the sunshine was out. I found this to be similar to my situation. Brian called, left me a voice mail, I had heard from him-Sunshine. My phone was off, so I didn't exactly get to talk to him-rain.

Friday, July 30

Dear Future Husband; (age fifteen)

   Sometime along this past year, I wrote a letter to my future husband. Yes, it's a little strange, but I found it neat. If you google it, you can often find a lot of cute letters people have posted. I decided I'd post mind, even though it's not the best. I've titled this Dear Future Husband; (age fifteen), and at the moment I am writing Dear Future Husband; (age sixteen). I guess I'll make it a tread to write once a year.
    Think about it, It would be cool reading this kind of things, if you were the receiver. If anyone decided to follow suit, comment me and let me know!
eh, enjoy?
**For the blogging record, this letter was written before I started dating Brian.
"It's a little weird writing you this letter, since I'm fifteen and possibly haven't met you yet. Something more weird is probably that I think of you almost every day. I'm not so sure that it is normal, but I don't really think I am, so I suppose it's okay. I often think of my future, and it often changes in my mind. One thing I'm always certain on is my many thoughts of you. Even now, you are so important to me. I think about how you effect almost every part of my life. You are my best friend, as I am yours. You are also my main source of happiness. I'm the girl who dreams of a husband and family. I believe if you have that love in your life, you can get by somehow.
   I think about the man you will be. I know you are far from perfect, but perfect for me. My main hope, is that you are a man of God. My family has never been the family that goes to church, and factors God's word in their everyday life, so I've never been raised that way. Oh, how I desire that though. I dream of having a husband who will have grown up in the church, and who can introduce me to that lifestyle. I've dreamed of one day raising my children this way.
   Yes, our children. I suspect we'll have two or three. I just know you are going to be a wonderful father, because if I didn't see that quality I wouldn't be marrying you. Oh, and I plan to be marry when I'm twenty three, I sure hope that isn't a problem with you. (I'm not going to impose on you asking, so If I'm older, this would be awkward :] I'm thinking it will have came up in conversation by now though).
   I should probably thank you for how great you've been to me, the respect I've gotten. Again, I know this is true because otherwise you wouldn't be in the position to receive this letter.
   I wonder how we meet, I wonder if I've met you yet. I think of the typical things I suppose. Will I know it's you when I see you? Will it take a few days? A month? A year?
   I sure hope you have a good last name, because honestly, I've wished for that so many times. I hope you don't make the Jew joke at me.
   This probably wasn't the greatest letter I guess, but I should get better at them I hope. You'll still love me I hope. This won't be the last letter I write, so please bare with me!
   I wait to feel the feeling of what it's like to love you, it will be stronger than any I've ever felt.
Your future wife,

P.S. You can call me Wifey (:"

Thursday, July 29

Daaaang, you're hot. No really- you must be like 108 degrees.

   There were two or three highlights of my day, one being I watched Eclipse: The Movie. If I must say so myself, there are some greatly attractive men in that movie. Everyone seemed to be a little more beautiful than the last movie.
   It's a little insane how so much can be going on with one girl. I'm pretty sure a real life Bella could not exist, even if werewolves and vampires existed.
   The change of being Bella is close to the chance of winning the lottery twice, being in three fatal crashes, and stealing someone's favorite pet bird and getting away with it. (or something to that equivalence) It just would not happen.

Well- All those statements were pretty irrelevant. To put an end to this little segment - I enjoyed the movie. I'll be awaiting the next movie to the saga which is released in November 2011.

   Before the movie, I stopped by the concession stand. I'm sure you all know how expensive movie theater concessions are, they are outrageous. Nachos cost $6.75, and if I buy the "Nacho combo" which comes with Nachos and a large drink, it's $11.55
   I'm very fond of Nachos, and of course you need a drink- so I decided on the nacho combo. I was waiting in line, and then a boy behind the counter calls out to me, and tells me he can help me at an empty register. I make my order, and when it comes to the price he smiles and says "Six dollars."  At first, I think he says sixteen dollars, so I ask "How much?" He replies again with "six dollars." So then I point out that I had nachos and a large drink, and he says "Yeah, I know. Six dollars for you." and smiles. Still being confused, I hand him a ten dollar bill and wait for my four dollars in change. It took me a minute to realize what had just happened as I was walking away.
   He had been giving me lots of smiles, unnecessarily touched my hand during all interactions, and giving me a "deal". He was flirting with me, and I hadn't even noticed until I replayed the situation in my head.
   As it was happening though, I know I had the most puzzling look on my face, because honestly I had no clue.
Smooth Jamie.
Oh well, I couldn't have cared less if he was flirting with me or not. The cheap nacho combo was the highlight.

 Which brings me to the last highlight. I received a letter from Brian today. It was a short letter, not really saying anything significant really, but I still enjoy hearing from him. I really and truly miss him, and there is like twelve weeks left. Is it just me, or does that sound like forever?
Right before I started on this post, I wrote him a letter to send out tomorrow morning. I spoke a lot of my thoughts, and I was really happy to get them out. I only wish I could actually talk to him though.
It's depressing to think even when he does come home, it's enviable he'll leave again. College, over seas, etc.
Maybe I'll have a nice dream tonight with us talking. Let us all hope. 

Wednesday, July 28

A-Z Survey

- Available: the opposite of available, actually.
- Age: 16
- Annoyance: immaturity
- Animal: I have a pet crap named Philip.

- Beer: Disapprove.
- Birthday: June 28, 1994
- Best Friend(s): Brian, Megan, Raia, Mary Scarlett
- Best feeling in the world: the bizarre sensation of "love", and the satisfaction of being happy with yourself.
- Best weather: I like the fall and spring seasons. The warm temperatures, the spring rain, and the fall scenery.
- Been in Love: Currently.
- Been on stage?: 3rd grade. I was the lead of the play. Yes, I know, I'm that cool. . . . Loser.
- Believe in Magic: To an extent
- Believe in Santa: That would be a negative
- Blind or deaf: That's hard, deaf? maybe.

- Candy: Skittles
- Color: purple
- Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
- Chinese or Mexican Food: Mexican.
- Cake or pie: Cake, but really neither
- Continent to visit: Australia
- Cheese: Not to much, please!

- Day or Night: Night.
- Dancing in the rain: is quite lovely
- Dessert: birthday cake ice cream

- Eyes: Hazel
- Ever failed a class?: Unfortunately

- First thoughts waking up: I would love to sleep more
- Food: can't live without it!
- Full name: Jamie Elizabeth White
- Flaws: We all have them.

- Greatest Fear: being unloved, a disappointment, and/or forgotten
- Goals: I have a ton of them. Let's just say, have an amazing year!
- Gum: I have an addiction
- Get along with your parents? Not exactly.
- Good Luck Charm: i guess i don't have one

- Hair Color: brown
- Height: 5'3"
- Happy: Something I should always be
- Holiday: New years
- How do you want to die: Without pain? I mean, I'd rather not think of that. . .

- Ice Cream: Cookies & Cream, Birthday cake, Strawberry, and double fudge brownie. Pick one
- Instrument: none, piano if i could

- Jewelry: Rings
- Job: Family business

- Kids: are adorable!
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate- of course.
- Keep a journal?: use too

- Letter: A or E
- Laugh so hard you cried: Oh yes
- Love: is lovely

- Milk flavor: Chocolate, or 2%
- Movies: hmm..
- Motion sickness?: No. Thankfully.

- Number: 23

- One wish: for me to successfully follow the path in life that's meant for me.

- Pepsi or Coke: Neither? No caffeine, please. Orange Crush? Obsessed.
- Perfect Pizza: I'm not a huge pizza person
- Piercing: ears

- Quiet?: around people I don't know, I tend to be very shy

- Reason to cry: bleh. I cry to much.
- Reality T.V.: The Bachelor
- Roll your tongue in a circle: Not quite.
- Ring size: 5 1/2 -7
- Radio station: 107.5?

- Song: Airplanes
- Shoe Size: 7- 7 1/2
- Salad Dressing: Ranch
- Sushi: ew
- Skinny dipped?: Oh you know it
- Strawberries or blueberries?: Strawberries
- Slept outside: It's scary out there! haha... Of course
- Sing well: Ha!.. Take that as a no...
- Tattoos?: nope

- Thunderstorms: are amazing.
- Time for bed: wheneva

- Unpredictable: Sometimes.

- Vacation spot(s): Somewhere not here?

- Weakness: ----------
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you?: I don't really know
- Worst feeling: Knowing you've screwed up
- Wanted to be a model?: Never really, I'm not exactly the model type.
- Worst Weather?: When it's just plain cold and snowless

- X-rays: i thought i broke my arm once, false alarm
Ex's: are in the past

-Year it is now: 3156
-Yellow: is a happy color that is best set with blue

- Zzzzz's: I'm very tired right now
- Zoo animal: I. Love. The. Zoo. :)

Monday, July 26

Sundays are grand.

   How come every day can't be as amazing as Sundays?
I woke up around seven, feeling the effects of staying awake until 1 a.m. It was the first night I had slept in my bed in four weeks, so I was still pretty content. Waking up was followed by a nice, long, warm, amazing shower. It was so much better than a four minute camp shower.
   I took my time getting ready, and then headed off to church.
For class, we had bible bowl practice. I had been hoping I wouldn't be behind after missing so much, and I ended up being ahead.
   Then, worship was just- amazing. I was so happy, I actually started tearing up. It was that kind of good, yet something that's hard to explain.
   Afterwards, I went to eat lunch, and then went home. I was sure to check the mail, because it is part of my daily routine. Now, I know it was Sunday, but there was still mail in the mail box from Saturday. Anyways, I got a letter from Brian, which obviously would have made my day alone. It was a short letter, but it was extra sweet. It made me feel very special and loved.
   I added some words to the letter that was in progress for Brian, and then took a nap. This nap lasted four hours, oh it was needed.
   After my nap, some less important things took place, less important because I do not recall what exactly happen. I know I played sims for a while- because I love living a somewhat virtual life, in hopes my real life will turn out that way.
 That night, it took me a while to fall asleep, because I was to busy thinking of how great the day was. I spent a few hours thinking about Brian, the future, the lord, and how they all intertwine.
How come every day can't be as amazing as Sundays?

Let's Start Off Right

It seems you have stumbled upon my blog. That's me above. My name is Jamie. I assume you'd like to know a little bit about me before you start stalking my blog- or at least read a post or two.
I'm barely sixteen, as of June 28th, and things have changed a little since the last time I truly obsessed over writing my life out for seven people to read.
I hear this is suppose to be "the best years of my life", so I suppose it's a good thing I'm finally getting a few things straight.
If it's at all relevant, I live in a small town in Tennessee. Apparently, I have this southern accent that you could very easily notice.

I'm a sophomore, and I play soccer for my high school. Well- I attempt to play, I tend to not do very well. Hopefully, I'll be a little better this year. 
 I guess you could say I'm a little different then most girls my age. I mean, for one, I have morals. That's something you don't always see. 
I like to read constantly, shoot guns, over analyze things, and carry around a notebook in which I write a little bit of everything. 
I suppose I have more in common with normal teenage girls than I would like though. I log onto Facebook at least seven times a day, my favorite TV show is Glee, I often have my phone in my hand, I have pointless arguments with my parents (That are blamed on me for "being a teenager" of course), oh and I happen to be in love with this boy.

Surely you're interested in knowing about the boy, aren't you? His name is Brian. Even though saying this is cliche, He's all I want and more. 
He's a wonderful christian, sweet, funny, attractive, and all mine. Perfect, right?
We've been together for almost five months now. At the moment, he is away though. He's in Georgia for  Basic training and AIT. He's in the army. Yeah, he's an army man, it's legit. 
He'll be back October 15th, and I can hardly wait. 
We write each other, and it makes me feel all girly inside. Writing letters seems to have something special to it. I think a lot of girls would love it. It's adorable.
Speaking of adorable- I have this adorable teddy bear, named Alejandro, that Brian gave me. I'm boarder line obsessed with him. 

Other random facts about me?
I like to run.
 Crush soda is my choice of drink.
Wednesday is my favorite day of the week.
I have a cute brother named Eli who is almost five. 
I have a sister, from another mister as some would say (and another mother for that matter), she's the coolest. 
I like to take pictures. A lot. Like so.
 I spent the majority of my summer at this amazing place called Nakanawa.  
 I shall tell you all about it soon. Sadly, I may not be returning though. Happily, it's because I'll be in Spain. What? Yeah, It's awesome. Maybe I'll talk about that soon, too. 

I think for now, you have the basics though.
Oh wait- my favorite color is purple.
-Now you have the basics.
Be a doll, and come back to read my post. Pretty please? Other wise, I'm just talking to myself and that makes me even weirder than I already am.
Feel free (or obliged- whatever you like best) to comment.